WIN: Susan Boyle too ugly for Ugly Betty?

From EW.com:

It seemed perfect: The rumor mill (specifically Perez Hilton) reported today that ultimate underdog Susan Boyle was inking a deal to appear alongside Mode underdog Betty Suarez in an upcoming episode of Ugly Betty. But unfortunately for fans of the Britain’s Got Talent break-out, it won’t happen. ABC reps say the rumor is entirely false.

This is what we call subtext, kids. Can you find the underlying message?

WIN: Mariah Carey is a man. Really.

Wow. Talk about not letting go of a grudge. Remember about a hundred years ago when Eminem and Mariah Carey were involved in a fued? No, me neither, I had to look it up.

Turns out she does and now, like, six years since either have been relevant, she’s gone on the attack with her new single ‘Obsessed’. I took this from news.com.au. It’s pretty wrong.

That’s Mariah Carey. And that’s me saying goodbye to the possibility of a boner for the rest of the day (sorry ladies).

WIN: Walkin is for sukkaz

In what is the first of an ongoing series called ADHD Adventures, I’d like to allow you a brief peek into my mind. I’ve got ADHD in a big way; it affects people differently, blah blah blah. There’s other stuff probably, who knows. My particular tweak is that i have to take note, list and categorize everything I see when I walk in a room. Great news for when I’m somewhere familiar, absolute hell in new territory. It also explains why I find randomness across the net because I’m that one in a thousand user who actually reads everything up to and including your footer.

The point of all this is, when I’m out in public, I spot things the untrained eye misses. Most of it is boring and simply gets filed because I have to. However, it means I see and remember absolute gold. For example, while walking through JB-Hifi two days ago, I spied this:

Rockin' chair (my recreation)

Now, I’ve had to recreate the image because the woman in said chair, her husband kept scowling at me with my phone out subtly trying to snap a pic for you. I’m not making fun of this – I’m celebrating the fact this chick was so rock, she spraypainted a fuck you to the world she couldn’t even see if we’re receiving.

I was simply floored by the awesomeness. Then, like eight seconds later, I found a copy of Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo on DVD and I knew that was my reward for basking in her radness.

I know I should’ve let it go, shrugged and moved on. But my brain, she doesn’t work like that. All of a sudden, I’m looking up recent wheelchair advancements, trying to cram my brain with info in the slim chance I might cross paths with her again.

If I was rich enough, I’d buy her this:

WIN: Vinnie Chase back on top

Now I love the hell out of this show but I’m about to say something a little controversial – Entourage is basically Sex & the City for dudes. I’ve said it, its out there, done. Nothing ever happens other than some romance, some “Will Vince make the movie?” woes and E hooking up with women who wouldn’t talk to him in reality. I watch for Ari, Drama and Turtle, in that order.

Which means this new season trailer has me very excited. Turtle’s love interested stuck around! Drama is getting one! Sweeeeet!

July 14th in the US, baby. Smooooooooth.

WIN: Frakkin’ cool BSG toys

Starbuck

I didn’t watch Battlestar Galactica. Don’t intend to; I had a gutful of overwrought drama with I, Claudius, enough for this lifetime so I reckon I’ll be right, cheers. I didn’t feel the need to watch 3.5 seasons in a month before the show ended like someone I know, to be superhellacool of course (nice work, scenester).

Still, doesn’t mean I don’t recognise these are pretty cool.

Order them here

Or don’t. Your call. Not like you’ll end up staggering the streets covered in your own vomit if you don’t OH SNAP I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

Cylon

FAIL: Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

DID YOU DO THIS?

HUH?

ARE YOU IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM RESPONSIBLE FOR ASKING, REQUESTING, FUNDING OR APPROVING OF THIS SHIT:

If you are, get the fuck out of my fancy dress party. You just did the equivalent of shitting in my top hat then placing said hat on my head without informing me of the contents.

And for that, I hate you.

SEE IT IS FUNNY COZ THEY’RE HIP NOW

WIN: Robogeisha trailer

Japan, don’t you dare ever stop making the most bugfuck crazy movies on the planet. The makers of Tokyo Gore Police (which I adore) and Machinegirl (which did my head in) are back with a brand new brain-splattering jam.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on here:

However, I do know that death by fried shrimp might me the most loltastic food related offing I’ve seen on screen since Clive Owen’s fun with carrots in Shoot Em Up.