One of the best parts of hitting a zoo early is that you can sometimes find yourself alone with animals. Most people do that dumbshit kissing noise, trying to get attention. I prefer to just tell the animal how it fucking is.
Giraffes need a good kick square in the teeth, and if I’d been able to jump the moat, I would’ve been the one to administer it.
Yelling curses at critters is insanely fun.
Below you see one of my fave internet pics, wonderously titled Giraffe Vs Plane