Answer truthfully. And sorry non-continuity sticklers but Green Ranger doesn’t qualify as he isn’t OG, nor is White Ranger.
Archive for May, 2009
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WIN? Stuff I Wanna Get
Posted: May 31, 2009 in UncategorizedTags: flip mino, leslie vernon, pumas, star wars
Yo check it, the internet brings us constant freshness and I like to keep up. Thought I’d show you a few things that I think are super dope that I’m scoping.
BOBA FETT HOODIE
Freshness: 9/10. Nothing brings out the glow in my eyes quite like Mandalorian armour.
FLIP MINO
Freshness: 10/10. Believe it or not, that is a HD video camera, on sale for less than US$230. No tapes, no disks – just usb winnery with a direct upload to youtube… and you know what that’d mean for this place 
PUMA GODZILLAS
Freshness: 8.5/10. Pumas styled after the 50s Japanese movie monster, complete with his attributes listed on the tongues!
METAL TROOPERS T
Freshness: 8.5/10. This shirt may be even more metal than three wolves howling at the moon… but probably not. We’ll have to wait til it comes out in July to find out – just in time for Comic Con!
BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON DVD
Freshness: 9/10. I’ve been on the case for this for a while and it is proving rather elusive. In a world where Freddy, Jason and Mike Meyers (the one who kills with knives not comedy) exist in reality and are celebrities, a camera crew documents the rise of Lesie Vernon, would be serial killer. It. Looks. Amazing.
This guy here, he eats legit for breakfast, chews it up with concrete teeth. Bill Duke is win captured in a man-sized vessel and let loose to wow us. Let’s take a look at some of Bill’s varied, awesome roles:
PREDATOR
In Predator, Bill brings the thunder as Mac being this first to spot the camo’d killer as well as the first to “get that bastard”. If I was being hunted for sport by an alien, Mac is who I’d want to have my back, anytime – ain’t no ghostin’. He’s uptight with an itchy trigger-finger but the man is MEAN.
COMMANDO
Commando is Arnie’s best straight-up action movie by a mile. He carries a tree, feeds a deer and has a pre-pubescent Alyssa Milano crush ice cream on his nose within the first forty-two seconds. The bad guys make this movie the greatness it is. Each is a broad characiture and most are remembered more for the pithy line Arnie delivered as he dispatched them. Not Bill, here seen as Cooke. Classic line one – dressed as a garbageman, he guns down an fellow ex-green beret concerned his trash would be missed with a wry, “We won’t!” Minutes later, he’s in a car dealership where he asks his salesman, “You know what I like best about this car? The price!” before driving it over said salesman and out the showroom window, into the night. He then has my personal favourite Arnie-dispatchment line of the film; upon declaring his green beret status, Arnie howls “Yeah? Well I eat green berets for breakfast and today I’m VERY HUNGRY!”
GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN’
I didn’t see this, nor will I see this, but from the above picture I can see the back of Bill’s distinctive head. Considering Bill’s tendency to play authority figures and 50 Cent’s status as a hard thug of sorts, I’m not certain exactly who is behind the bars and who is just visiting.
MENACE II SOCIETY
You know you done fucked up now – you know that, don’t you?
X-MEN: THE LAST STAND
Bill in a suit! I know. This movie sucked but it wasn’t Bill’s fault. He was the head of Homeland security but probably found it a little difficult to straight-faced bark orders at a furry blue Kelsey Grammer.
In addition to these, you can catch Bill play a detective, police chief or warden in the following: Action Jackson, Red Dragon, Payback, Exit Wounds, Susan’s Plan, Fever and National Security.
Despite all of this, everything you’ve just read and think you already know, you’re about to give Bill a free pass for life because Bill directed Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.
Bill Duke, sir, we salute you. You are 100% FTW!
Rather proud of myself – I threw a complete party off tonight when I interrupted my slew on 90s hip hop to Rickroll the ish out of everyone. Whooooooboy! Thankfully, being a rather nerdily attended shindig, plenty of people got the lol, then shared the lulz. I dropped Bust A Move, Funky Cold Medina, Groove Is In The Heart, OPP, Ring Ring Ring, Let Me Clear My Throat, The Humpty Dance… packed tighter than a unchecked diaper! There was also a long discussion about PedoBear, our inquisitive old friend, including several impressions done by people popping their head out a tent and requesting directions “to teh loli”. Yes, I was among friends, my people, though most of us had never met.
Oh, and a really drunk girl (probably a Twilight fan) bit my shoulder drawing blood. No, not like that, just as in some crazy chick bit me unannounced because “i’m crazy, that’s what i do hah!” Yep. One of those girls. Alcohol can be such an attractive thing.
Party + Central Coast + Bag o’ Records = Late night tonight.
In other words, gone fishin’.
O – M – G. The day I thought would never arrive is here. Truly, finally here. News just broke on a LOST spin-off starring everyone’s favourite character – THE SMOKE MONSTER!
Even the title is awesome. Where There’s Smoke…This is huge. This is bigger than He’s-Not-Henry-Gale, bigger than Blow-Up-The-Hatch, bigger than We-Have-To-Go-Back, bigger than They-Moved-The-Island and probably even bigger than We-Went-Back-In-Time-To-Blow-Up-The-Hatch-Again.
Bet Jacob’s pissed.
OOOOOoooooOOOOO!!! The muthaflippin squeaky aliens are back! YES! YES!!!!!!!!111!!1!
Finally, the weekend has landed. To the city I now head, with dreams of drinks and mebbe seeing MC Lars, probably solo as my friends just don’t get it /sigh.
I will, however, unleash the fury.
I spilt a beer tonight. Dammit.
WIN: Yo Teach!
Posted: May 29, 2009 in UncategorizedTags: funny people, jason schwartzman, yo teach!
Me n Jason
YES THIS IS VIRAL MARKETING FOR FUNNY PEOPLE GET WISER ABOUT MARKETING
