Been a while…

Thought it might be time to chuck a few coals in the fire, get this train on track…

Missed it.

WIN: Where The Wild Toys Are

OMG. Look at these. Look at these – Where The Wild Things Are figures! Super detailed, super amazing!

The more of this film I see, the more I can’t wait for director Spike Jones to toy with my emotions for two hours through trickery. I’m missing the WB presentation today for FlashForward (fair trade) but someone else will be on the case there, I’m sure…

EPIC WIN: Math rap solves gang violence

Check yourself before you wreck yourself (by forgetting to carry the two):

I’m cruisin down Multiplication Boulevard
Where learning is fun, you know it isn’t hard!
With a jammin beat, it’s an easy road
So crank up the Rock N Learn and lighten your load!

Congratulations. You are the winner.

WIN: Dontcha put it in your mouth

O….. ok.

Don’t put it in your mouth, until you ask someone you love – that’s right sis!

*shudder*

What the hell, man?! What were adults in the 80s thinking?! I’m 25 now and this scares the hell out of me, why on earth would you give this information to a child?

In fact, we may have discovered a major cause for anorexia among Americans our age.

WIN: Giraffes need to learn some fucking respect

One of the best parts of hitting a zoo early is that you can sometimes find yourself alone with animals. Most people do that dumbshit kissing noise, trying to get attention. I prefer to just tell the animal how it fucking is.

Giraffes need a good kick square in the teeth, and if I’d been able to jump the moat, I would’ve been the one to administer it.

Yelling curses at critters is insanely fun.

Below you see one of my fave internet pics, wonderously titled Giraffe Vs Plane

EPIC WIN: Lions have poor aim

So, coming at you live and large from San Diego. I took some time to sleep (and get really, really drunk) last night so I was and good to go at 7am today. I then headed out to the San Diego Zoo to meet some awesome animals and film some gear.

There’s more to come, but this right here? This is the best thing you will see today, I swear on all that is holy. I’m so proud of this my balls are glowing with pride.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

WIN: Rollerboys looks like the shit

I thought I’d better bring you up to speed on something – each time I visit the US, I set myself the goal of trying to track down a super-obscure DVD. This time, I’m pretty sure I have a fair sized challenge laid out for me – I’m trying to find Corey Haim’s Rollerboys.

Fuck yeah.

FAIL: Screamo band records cover defining awful

I…. I just don’t get it. The screamo band Converge Confide covering The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights”.

The Venn diagram of that shit would just be two seperate circles. And then, if by some miracle they found a person who enjoyed Converge Confide, Postal Sevice and covers simultaneously, even they would be forced the throw their headphones to the ground in disgust and just plain walk away.

Converge Confide, I think you need to go sit in the corner and think long and hard about what you’ve done.

EDIT in my zeal to slam this, I wrote Converge instead of Confide, slamming a much better band that I still don’t like. Doesn’t improve this clip, but thanks to Lolly who caught my slip up and set me straight.

FAIL: Pope breaks his wrist

From news.com.au:

POPE Benedict slipped in the bath and broke his wrist but aides said there was no cause for concern about the 82-year-old pontiff’s health. “He slipped in his bath this morning. He was taken to hospital for check-ups. It’s nothing serious,” Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi said. The German-born Catholic leader walked into hospital himself in the city of Aosta in northern Italy, where he is on vacation in a mountain chalet, for treatment for what the Vatican said was “a slight fracture to his right wrist”. The Vatican said in a statement that before going to hospital, the pope “celebrated mass and had breakfast”.

Good thing he does that with the other hand.

IS POPE BENEDICT XVI GONNA HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?

WIN: Juno and Drew Barrymore celebrate mediocrity

I wish I hadn’t been so quick to use the facepalm picture on the last post. That was before I’d seen the trailer for Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut Whip It starring Ellen Page as Bliss. Stellar class, cookie-cutter looking crap.

I can’t even be bothered with a synopsis. Guys, watch this if only to see Daniel Stern who appears to have literally been out in the cold looking for work for the last three years. Also, the last line of the trailer is pretty darn gold.

BUH-BYE ELLEN PAGE, DIDN’T LIKE YOU WHEN YOU WERE JENEANE GAROFALO